Dear Dr. Love,

What do you do when your date is going terribly wrong? I met someone online who was polite and easy to talk with. He lives in Connecticut and I live on Long Island so we agreed to meet at a bar in NYC. I arrived on time, but he arrived an hour late (though he did call). He was completely disheveled and appeared distracted. He said he was a landlord and had to collect some checks (at 10pm?). The chemistry evaporated, and I felt a bit led-on and rejected. What caused him to change?

Amy, Seacliff

Dear Amy,

There’s a key word that underlies the dating lifestyle. That word is value. The primary consideration for anyone in the dating fraternity is that they know how to value another person. Whether you’re looking for the “one” or just for a good time, it’s critical that you know how to make that person on the other end of the encounter feel better about him or herself at the end of the encounter. That doesn’t mean that you gush over everyone you meet or tell every date that you’ve fallen in love with them. It does mean follow the golden rule. Treat the date as you would want to be treated. Aimee, had the landlord done that, he wouldn’t have been late, distracted and disheveled, wouldn’t have scheduled another appointment during the time that should have been yours and would have been forthright about his behavior. Unfortunately there are a few in the dating universe who are so self-centered, egotistical or narcissistic that they misread the “golden rule” as “do unto me as I would want…you don’t count.” When you meet these people and get the sense of their essence, get up, thank them for their time and leave…quickly.