Flashback: To the Pre-Stairmaster Age, when your standard gym looked more like a cave than a dance club. Arnold may have already been Mr. Olympia but there weren’t more than a dozen people who could pronounce “Schwarzenegger.”

Fast forward to the 21st century: Joining a gym has practically become a post-modern rite of passage. But before you plunk down the plastic and navigate your way past enough machinery to make Judy Jetson blush, you might want to consider what you can do to enhance survival amid all that aerobicized anatomy.

Firstly, do what comes naturally in this coast-to-coast mall we call home—shop around. Visit your prospective gym during the time you’ll most likely be using it to gauge the crowd, noise level and ambiance. Find time to talk with current members and get the inside scoop that your overzealous salesperson will conveniently omit.

When it comes to your workout regimen, please resist the temptation to mimic the resident monsters. Just because you need a math tutor to calculate the diameter of some guy’s biceps doesn’t mean his training routine should be emulated. Do your homework or get some guidance from a qualified trainer. Be very wary about taking advice from any of your fellow members. It pays to have a game plan that involves variety, consistency, good form, proper breathing, intensity and realistic goals.

Finally, there’s the issue of gym etiquette to consider. This includes willingly sharing the equipment, cleaning up after yourself, following gym rules and respecting the fact that female health club members are there to train, too. One more request: Give the cell phones a rest. Every time you feel the urge to dial, remind yourself that half the humans on the planet have never made a single phone call.

A little more perspective: Humans stayed in shape for centuries before anyone thought to charge exorbitant amounts of money for the right to push around inanimate hunks of iron beneath the soothing glow of a neon light. Even Ah-nuld admits this about the age before TV, automobiles and processed food. “One hundred years ago we had to do everything with our bodies,” declared the Governator. “We worked to get lumber and stones for building a house. We had to work with our hands, we had to run, we had to crawl under things, we had to swim. The efforts of everyday living kept the body in shape. But now, because almost everything is done with machines, people have become lazy.”

So, if the expensive, high-tech world of trendy health spas isn’t for you (or your budget), take a cue from the Austrian Oak and use your imagination. Check out the public swimming pool. Use the local parks for running and sports. If all else fails, get yourself a part-time gig in a gym and enjoy free use of the facilities.

Happy pumping.