Dear Dr. Love,
Why are some men such tight wads? A man asks me out to dinner and with a sigh and wince complains about the cost of the meal. Should I just offer to pay my portion? Or tell him he is cheap?
Sheila, Rockville Centre
If you outright tell a man who takes you to dinner, wanting to learn more about you, wanting to spend time with you, that he is a tightwad, expect to win the battle, but lose the war!
Very simply, he’ll never call you again. If that is your goal, then be my guest. Just remember that many men try to impress a woman on a first outing by taking her to a restaurant, which has ambiance and atmosphere. Perhaps your gentleman friend is ill-prepared for the “check-shock.”
You can help the situation by putting yourself in his shoes. Limit your alcohol consumption and order a less expensive entrée. I mean do you really need to order three martinis and filet mignon with lobster at your first dinner? I don’t think so.
Personally, I love going to Friendly’s for a breakfast or even Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts for the first time out. My date and I can nurse a cup of coffee and share a donut because the chemistry is strong. Sometimes all you need is to look into each others’ eyes to know that the food is unimportant.
So don’t make his comments about the cost of the meal a “deal-breaker.” And it’s fine for you to offer to pay part of it or to leave the tip. It’s refreshing to a man.
It’s so easy to win in the “war games of love.” How?
1) Don’t complain because a date should be a positive experience. Everyone has a family issue, a job issue, a health issue…if you complain, you are expending negative energy.
2) Keep the personal and intimate details to a minimum until you really get to know the other person. It takes time to establish trust between a man and a woman.
3) Never put yourself down. A date is not a session in counseling. You are supposed to make a good impression. Whatever intimacy and personal issues you have (or have had) should be held for another time and place.
Until next month, happy dating! And please send your questions to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.